IRAQ JOURNAL APRIL 11-26, 2005
I kept a journal of my trip to Iraq just to help me remember the events of the trip and also many of the names.
I decided to publish it because of all the people that I talked to.
I met a lot of soldiers in the two weeks I was in Iraq. Shook many hands and hugged many strangers.
During any visit to a camp or FOB, I was usually only there long enough to get to talk to a handful of soldiers
for more than just a minute. Nearly every soldier that I talked to for more than a few minutes asked me to do
the same thing when I came back to the states. They asked me to please tell everyone what they are REALLY doing.
So here I am.
The soldiers over there are doing nothing but great work. They are turning Iraq into the great and beautiful country
that everyone knows it can be. They have won the Iraqi peoples trust. Whenever we flew over a town, the people would
all come out and wave to us. Whenever we convoyed down a road the Iraqi people would run out and wave to us. The Iraqi
people love Americans and there are just a few idiots ruining it for everyone.
I saw homes without a roof that now have a satellite dish. In the local flea markets they sold nothing but technology.
DVDs and CDs, cell phones, TVs and stereos all of the things that they couldn't get before. Things that we take for granted.
So I just want you to know that the soldiers over in Iraq are building a great country and at the same time fighting the
war on terrorism and it is alive and real there.
April 11, 2005
Arriving at Detroit Metro Airport around 7pm. I am dropped off out front of the airport and my adventure begins.
Its a short goodbye and that is probably a good thing? Within seconds I have left the safe and quiet life of being a
comedian from West Virginia to heading into the most violent part of our world. Although I have many doubts about
this trip...Getting selected for 'Comics on Duty' is something that I did all on my own. I spent 19 years preparing for
this opportunity and I wasn't about to let it get away. I am loving this adventure!
I never saw anyone I knew until I got on the plane and Scott Derenger boarded right after me. Then a guy in a Comics
on Duty shirt walked up and I knew it was Rich Davis the producer of our tour. He sat down across the aisle from me
and started looking for the other comics. Lamar Williams and Steve Burr then boarded on the other side of the plane.
Our crew was complete and we are on our way to Amsterdam. Our plane sits at the end of the runway for 40 minutes
acquiring what the pilot called 'important flight data'. I call it the end of the Detroit Tigers game?
Its an estimated 7 hour and 15 minute flight to Amsterdam. Scott Derenger is on our plane because he missed his flight
in Chicago and they rerouted him thru Detroit. Its a lucky break for him and I cant believe that anyone would be running
late on a $2000 plane ticket.
The plane is brand new and full. In the middle section with me are two Kuwaiti women who try to avoid me for the beginning
of the flight. By the end of the flight they were giving me candy bars and nodding like they'd known me their whole lives.
Our plane has TV monitors on the back of every seat with the option of watching movies, listening to music or tracking
the plane. I tracked our plane for a while as we headed up through Canada passing by Montreal, Quebec and on thru
the Maritimes. Finally, along with a pretty decent meal I settle in on watching Ocean's Eleven.
Slipping past New Foundland, its very dark outside and the turbulence seems to have increased as we fly out over the open
sea. It doesn't last long and the flight is back to normal quickly. We are cruising in a A330 at around 650 mph at about
35,000 feet and will travel a total of about 38,000 miles to get to Amsterdam.
Morning begins to creep onto the plane, my movie is on again and I have been sleeping for a while. We've just flown over
Dublin and London, but I didn't see a thing being in the middle aisle and it appears that it was pretty cloudy to begin with.
Across the aisle and up two rows from me is a man who is kneeled down on the floor, facing his seat with his head on the
seat. He's been that way for 3 hours now and it appears that he just can't sit anymore? I get the feeling that he is going
to Amsterdam for a little recreational drug use. He appears to be very ill and maybe a good dose of legal marijuana
is what he needs. Somehow I deduce all of that from his appearance and demeanor.
April 12, 2005
We've just spent 5 hours in Stipohl International Airport, Amsterdam, Netherlands. I paid 5 US dollars for 15 minutes on
the internet, 30 dollars for a box of Cuban cigars and 5 dollars for the biggest candy bar I've ever seen in my life. For the
duration of the stay in Amsterdam, Rich anchors the corner of the bar where people come and go and we have a few drinks
to pass the time. To me, this is one of the best times in my life, hanging out in a bar in Amsterdam, drinking coffee
and just telling stories with the other comedians. It is funny how 5 people who have just met one another can have so
much in common. All the fronts are off, all the walls are down and we are on our way to war.
One of our visitors to 'the corner' was a mouse. He showed up all smoke and mirrors! Just plowing into walls, chairs and even
the bar. For a few minutes he disappeared and we all wondered where he had gone. Just like that, there was a crash in
the kitchen, a blood curdling scream and a waitress came barreling out of the kitchen. I'm just guessing, but I think she found
our mouse!
Another visitor to our corner was a European hockey player named Marc who was on his way back to Manitoba, Canada.
He overheard our conversations in English and introduced himself. We had some drinks with him and left him to hold down
the bar when we boarded the plane. I walked away from that bar wondering if I would ever see this again.
Rich spent a lot of time at the airport trying to brief us on what we were about to enter into going to Iraq. It was his
ninth trip to Iraq and I was all ears on this one. Its a powerful situation and none of us have a clue about what to expect.
He talked about the show being a group event and that individualism would not be tolerated. We are doing this for the troops, first
and foremost. He also talked about what we could and couldn't do. Photographs are a sensitive thing in a combat zone and we
are to always make sure that it is OK to take pictures. Any pictures of security check points will probably get your camera
confiscated. He also explained to us how a joke can effect people in a good way or a bad way. You never know when the
chaplain is going to show up at the show! He told us a powerful story about a guy whose daughter committed suicide while
him and his wife were deployed in Iraq. His wife didn't take it well, blamed herself and later went on to commit suicide too.
To make a long story short, two years later he introduced himself to the Comics on Duty tour and thanked them for
making him laugh for the first time in two years. We've got the power, now use it wisely!
The flight to Kuwait is about 4 hours and we will cruise over Saudi Arabia to get there. I was hoping to go the other way, but
its cloudy and dark by the time we get to Kuwait, so that doesn't really matter after all.
So far my favorite thing about Europe has been the coffee. Every cup has been just like I like it! I am the only one awake on
the plane, everyone else is sleeping from all the booze at the airport. I only had a couple of drinks, but wanted to be awake
for every minute of this trip. Now with a window seat, I am only assuming that there are a lot of metal roofs in the Netherlands
because of all the twinkling below.
We're flying to Kuwait on a 767. For dinner I have mustard chicken, rice and glazed salmon. Mmmmmm. Night time has set
into the flight and we are getting closer to Kuwait. There's a guy in the back of the plane who looks exactly like Dick Cheney
and we're are dying to take his picture and say that we hung out with Dick Cheney in Kuwait but it never happens. The stewardess
brings around dessert...a curry danish! YUCK! I will eat my giant candy bar from Amsterdam, thank you very much!
The sky over Kuwait is dominated by flames from the refineries. It looks like a battle zone in and of itself.
Its almost midnight when we land and head into the terminal. Right away our escorts pick us up as we head into the terminal.
Josh, Roy and Brody see us through customs and we load our stuff into Suburbans to head over to Camp Doha, Kuwait.
The Kuwaiti's are very aggressive to pick up our bags at the airport for tips and we almost have to insult them to get them
to back away from our bags.
We drive about 30 minutes form the airport to Camp Doha across Kuwait and I get my first taste of the Arabian desert. Its not all that
I had hoped for but none the less, its very different. I guess I had been hoping for smiling camels and belly dancers everywhere.
Not so, its a fairly modern society with bad drivers and tacky signs. Flying in, because of fires from the refineries I had
pictured Kuwait to be much more dark and primitive. I thought it would be more like the thunder dome and not the Astrodome.
Arriving at Camp Doha I experience my first check point and we get through that without a hitch. They check the vehicle mostly
and ours is just fine. We drop our bags in the little apartment that they have for us and we immediately head to the midnight
feeding at the D-FAC(dining facility). About 200 hundred troops and us set down and pig out on cheeseburgers, fries and
Snapple's. We are also permitted to take as much food and drink back to the apartment as you can carry. I load my pockets
with power bars and fill my arms with Snapple's.
Our apartment is a three bedroom deal with kitchen and bathroom set into an old warehouse. We're are only here two days
and so we lightly unpack and try to unwind. Tomorrow morning we have to be up first thing to get I.D.s and registered. Its like 2am
and I have the clothes on that I left from West Virginia in 2 days before. Rich has us sign about 1000 autograph cards to get
ready for the week and we all try on Josh's gear to see how heavy it will be. Josh also got out a map of Iraq and showed us what most
of the tour consisted of and where we would be going. Its a top secret map of all the bases, camps and FOBs in Iraq.
I feel like a secret agent for just a few minutes! Josh says that the final fall of the insurgency will be in Mosul because
that's where all the insurgents have run to and oh by the way, we will be working out of there for two days as well. Yikes and cool.
I wanted to come over here and entertain every troop that would listen. I know that will not happen, so I will be happy to entertain
the troops that see the most conflict!
April 13, 2005
Guess who over slept today? Everyone! We stayed up until 5am signing autograph cards and goofing on each other. After all
that travel and laughing, I think we all needed a good nights sleep. The evening before was also spent setting our position for
the tour. Who was going to be the alpha dog and who was going to be the butt of the jokes. As usual, the one who tries
desperately to be the alpha dog, ends up being the butt of all the jokes. It's just that way.
After a short visit to the main office, we now have ID badges and are free to travel about the base. Taking advantage of that we head
down to the PX (mini Wal-Mart) and do some shopping. I also find out that tank tops are frowned on at a base and head back to the
apartment to pick up some cash and sleeves.
I went back to the PX and bought a boonie cap to have my name embroidered on in Arabic and our Comics on Duty patch sewn
on my boonie cap as well. The whole thing costs me 6 bucks and I already have a unique souvenir! So far, the feeling of walking around
in Kuwait is so unfamiliar to me that I am taking pictures of everything and interested in everything. It is all new to me.
Heading back to the apartment I popped into the D-FAC and had a sandwich, onion rings and about 5 snapples. Its hot and it
has become apparent to me that I will be using food to wash down all these drinks!
We meet at 1:30 pm to head over to Camp Spearhead, Kuwait. There we toured a Navy cargo ship that was loaded with damaged
helicopters and Humvees that were headed home to be refurbished. The Humvee damage was a very telling image that let you
know just what we were headed into when we got to Iraq. The vehicles were damaged badly and you couldn't help but wonder what
had happened to the soldiers that were inside. We also toured the captains deck and got to see all the maps and a nice view from
behind the steering wheel. We posed for a lot of pictures and then headed over to the D-FAC at Camp Spearhead for dinner and
that is also where our show will be that evening.
For dinner I had a massive Philly cheese steak and cheesecake! After dinner the Camp Spearhead mayor(Captain) had
us over to his office to check emails and meet the staff. We also met the Chaplian at he mayors office and he was a very nice person.
It's just something to don't expect to see on the outskirts of a war. A chaplain. Isn't one of his motto's, 'thou shall not kill'?
Heading back over to the show, darkness has just set in and I pull up at a smoking area to have a nice Cuban cigar. This camp
has strict smoking areas because they all stay in tents that are soaked in a waterproofing substance that is mostly kerosene.
One tents catches on fire, they all go up!
Our first show is awesome, all four of us have great sets and I see a great two weeks ahead of us. After the show we meet all the
troops and give them autographed pictures of us and a Comics on Duty patch. Its a real cool experience. Just having soldiers line up to
meet you, get an autograph, take a picture and merely say thanks is an overwhelming thing foe me. I've never been proud of myself,
but these troops sure are making me feel good. I can't get enough. I taped the show as well. It's not a great tape because of the setting,
but someday this will be a great reminder of my experience.
Heading back to Camp Doha we pass kids playing soccer in the middle of the road because the highways are lighted. We also
pass a lot of cars that are just parked along the highway and some even heading the wrong way. There appears to be no traffic laws
in Kuwait and our driver tells us that you only need a drivers license in Kuwait to buy gas. Driving is for anyone who can see over
the steering wheel.
Back at Camp Doha we head off to midnight chow at the D-FAC and then do a little walking around the camp late at night. Its cool
and the fresh air feels good. I like this idea of everyone eating together and sharing the experience. I think if I had to do this alone it
would be a totally different experience to me. I would imagine that being this far from home could be a lonely experience. I am not
trained to be a survivor. As a comedian, I am trained to say 'hey look at me'!
April 14, 2005
Well guess what...we all overslept again today! On the way to the D-FAC I mailed out some postcards to the folks back in the USA.
Letters are free when mailed form inside the Camp. As I walk along the road to the mailbox, I am clearly feeling the effects of jet lag and
the heat. It is very hot, sunny and humid here and it is not long before it starts to weigh on you. Mentally and physically.
I also stopped and picked up my boonie cap. We all stop and eat a big meal before heading over to Camp Patriot in the afternoon.
For lunch I made a multi-layered lunchmeat sandwich and mostly drank Snapple's! Mostly drinks, but the food is good too.
Out at Camp Patriot we toured a Navy port that also had Army attack ships in port. The Navy had two hovercrafts at this port and they
used them to run supplies out to the big ships in the gulf. The hovercraft is a loud and monstrous vessel that moves pretty quickly
once it gets going. In Suburbans we drove all the way out to the end of the port where we weren't allowed to take pictures because of the
security needed in that area.
The tour lasted several hours and we all ended up at the D-FAC trying to cool off, eat and relax. There I ate spaghetti and meatballs,
garlic bread and a giant piece of cheesecake! This cheesecake wasn't cut, so I was able to whack off a piece that was more MY size.
After dinner we hit the internet cafe and then it was showtime.
The show was plagued with heat, overcrowding and the chanting from a Mosque right across the road from where we were doing the show.
I finally got up there late in the evening and rocked the tent! No prisoners! I was finally well rested and new that it was up to me to save
the show! Mission Accomplished! After the show I posed for a picture with a kid named Steve from Clay County West Virginia.
He was glad to see me and appreciated our little conversation. It was nice to see someone from West Virginia!
We drive back to Camp Doha across Kuwait late at night. Its amazing how laid back this country is and right up the road in Iraq its
so uneasy. Back at the apartment we all put our duds together and do a few loads of laundry. We're not sure when we will get the
opportunity to do laundry in Iraq, so it only makes good sense to do it all before we go.
Everyone except Josh pretty much stays up all night. Our pick-up to go to the Air Base in Kuwait is 5:30am and we are a little nervous
about our trip north in the morning. Rich talks to us some more about how to conduct ourselves in front of the troops when we get
to Iraq and how much all of this will mean, if we just do it right and for the right reasons. I felt like tonight's show in Camp Patriot was
a beginning for me. I took a terrible situation and turned it into a great show. I feel like that's what it is all about. Giving the troops
30 rock solid minutes of comedy for the services that they provide for us! Period!
April 15, 2005
We stay up all night smoking cigars and telling stupid road stories while we do laundry and repack for our adventure into Iraq.
The driver, Roy is 10 minutes late to pick us up to go to the airport. Roy drives the Silverado and handles most of the luggage in
the bed. But as Brody tell us, people are always late in the Army, that is why we are leaving 3 hours early for 8am flight that only takes
one half an hour to get there.
Once we get to the airport, Brody and Roy drop us off and we go into a waiting hanger with only a few hours to kill. Rich and Josh show
us how to prepare MREs( Meals Ready to Eat). Its kind of an interesting thing and I found myself headed outside to get an MRE
to play with of my own. Its awesome and I have a great time heating up my chicken and bread. I'm sure if I had to eat these meals for
8 months I would not be a happy camper, but none the less...we had fun. In fact I videotaped our cookout!
Once we go through a few check-ins, we are dressed in full 'Battle Rattle', a helmet made of Kevlar and Body Armor vests. Its our first
time wearing this stuff because we had to and that is a little uneasy...I don't care who you are. Its all real now and we're on the runway
headed to Iraq in a C-130 cargo plane that doesn't look quick at all!
Steve and I are lucky enough to be selected to sit in the cockpit on takeoff. We get headsets and are allowed to talk and listen to
the pilots throughout the flight. Its kind of weird to be in such a neat situation and have nothing to say? What was I supposed to say
other than 'WOW!' You know, 'Hey buddy not so close to the tower next time!' I got nothing!
Its very cool, we fly out over the Persian Gulf and head up into Iraq. After we got going on the plane they let us stand up in the cockpit
and snap photos out of the windows. Really neat! I cant believe that I am getting to do this, but I make sure that I take it all in. Our
flight is around 45 minutes and we arrive in Tullil, Iraq at Camp Adder a little green and gooey behind the ears. I wasn't used to flying
in a plane that you could see all the hoses and smell the exhaust fumes. We made it without anyone blacking out or becoming sick!
Landing in Tullil a small bus and pickup greet us on the runway and we are introduced to Captain Freeman who seems to be a real
nice guy. They drive us over to our living quarters/trailers and as we are unloading are bags there is a huge explosion just down the
road and a large mushroom cloud appears on the horizon. I along with the three other comedians, I am a little stunned by this. We would
come to find out that Captain Freeman had saved that preplanned detonation of ordinates...just for us! Real nice guy!
Josh and Captain Freeman explain that these bombs are being uncovered by the winds and they have crews that go out and retrieve
them and then blow them up. We drop our bags and head over to the D-FAC for lunch. I'm really tired at this point because we've been up
all night and then just had the poop scared out of us right off the bat.
We all go back to our trailers for a long afternoon nap. At least I did. I woke around 3:30pm to witness one hell of a dust storm and as I head
to the shower the rains kick in and it all becomes a huge mucky mess. We are supposed to be ready to head over to the D-FAC at 5pm,
its more than walking distance so we need to all be ready at the same time! Of course we aren't and after a few minutes of waiting on
the bus, Josh heads out to fake an attack on our trailers and try to get the guys moving. It works and I've got the whole thing on video!
Lamar emerges from the trailer a little shaken by Josh's false alarm. We've been in Iraq about 7-8 hours and have been the butt of two
practical jokes already. I start to look over my shoulder after this!
It turns out that no one is really hungry ad we'd all rather just go to the PX (mini Wal Mart) and get a few supplies. I decide that gum and
breath mints might come in handy somewhere down the road. After shopping we head over to the show sight. It is an outdoor stage
and all the soldiers have to either sit on the ground or bring their own chairs. The turnout is amazing and we do a show for about 300
soldiers in a parking lot with just a little bit of rain in the air and a lot of dust. Its an awesome show and I videotaped it as well.
During the middle of my show an Italian convoy returns to camp with their sirens blaring and I just have to wait for them to pass by.
I'm not sure if I should address the situation, so I poked around for a few seconds and then said, 'Those are about the most pussy ass
sounding sirens I have ever heard in my life!' I got a big laugh and was right back into my set! After the show Captain Freeman gives us
each a boonie cap with Tullil Iraq on it and our name written in Arabic, its really cool and now I have two!
After the show I'm standing across the street at the MWR building (Morale Welfare and Recreation) with Rich talking to a soldier from
Mississippi who was involved in the battle for Fallujah. He tells us that of the 1200 insurgents killed in Fallujah only about 20 of them were
Iraqi's. We talk for an hour and he tells us if we do nothing else when we get back to the states...please tell everyone what we are
REALLY doing over here. The soldiers are very proud of their work and find it discouraging when they hear people say that they are
fighting a worthless battle.
Its almost midnight so we head back over to the trailer to catch our bus over to midnight chow at the D-FAC. Tonight I had spaghetti with
cubed beef for meatballs. It was pretty darn good! After that we head back to the MWR building to use the phones and check our emails.
Afterwards Rich and I talked for a long time about the shows progress over a couple of Cuban cigars. He tells me that my last two nights
performances have done a lot of good for my standing at Comics on Duty.
April 16, 2005
About 6am I got up and walked over to the MWR building to check my email and call home. Its nigh time back in the states and I can usually
catch her after dark. The walk over is very muddy from the rain the night before and I dodge the puddles and humvees heading out for a days
work. The internet cafe isn't crowded and everything goes well.
Around 8:30am Rich, Steve and I walk over to the Italian Army camp and hit the restaurant up for an espresso and latte. The Italians whip
up some dandy morning beverages and Rich and I sit down inside while Steve heads over to the internet cafe. Rich and I talk about the
concept of Comics on Duty and how much it can do.
Back at the trailers everyone meets for our trip to The temple Zigarette and birthplace of Abraham at 10 am. Its a 6 mile ride off base to the
temple and as we drive up I can not believe what I am seeing. A 4,000 year old temple and village...and we have total access to it.
Immediately we climb to the top and Captain Rodney Freeman gives a speech to us on the temple and the area. I can not believe that
we are standing on top of this temple in the heart of the Mesopotamia Valley. Its truly amazing! We spend about two hors at this site
climbing up and down and in and out of every crack along the way. Its very cool and I pick up a few souvenirs to remind me of this day.
I got about 5 pieces of pottery, a seashell and some sand from the site.
On the way back to the trailer we stop at the D-FAC for lunch and I have forgotten my badge. Josh and I wait on the bus and Nelson brings
me out a 'to go' box full of goodies. He's big guy, but he's a nice guy. He even let me video him at the birthplace of Abraham while
he explained the significance of the area as well.
After lunch we have about an hour to kill before we convoy over to Camp Cedar II where our show will be tonight. It's my first convoy ride across
the countryside and I am just a little bit anxious about our trip. Four armored Humvees show up at 2 pm and all the drivers side seats
are quickly filled by the veterans and I am stuck with a passenger side seat for my first convoy. The Humvee is a rattle trap piece of shit,
but my escorts assure me that we are traveling in the nice one because it has air conditioning! OK?
We have about a 10 mile drive to Camp Cedar and it goes off without a hitch. As we drove across the countryside the children would run out
to the roadside and wave to our hummers as we drove by. At first I was concerned at the people running towards our convoy. No one else
seemed alarmed and that's all that matters to me.
Arriving at Camp Cedar I begin to notice that there is always someone lingering around me and after a while it becomes apparent that we have
bodyguards at this show. At first I thought it was my interesting conversation, but as it turns out...this guy was getting paid to listen to my
bullshit! Sorry! Jeremy Ward from upstate New York is my shadow for the day. He even waits outside the porta-potty. What a trooper!
It turns out, most of the guys traveling with us are from Indiana and I give them a whole bag of Bob and Tom crap! They loved it!
We hang out at Cedar all day throwing the football, checking emails and of course EATING!
The show is at 7pm and everyone does pretty good. I thought I rocked 'em... but that's just me! We do the show in the middle of a parking lot
off of the back of a semi-trailer! About 200 people show up and the show is a success. During the middle of my show I could see the Australian
Army Fire Department scrambling around and didn't really know how to address the situation. They scoot away without notice and I finish up
just fine. Nearly everyone waits after the show to meet us and take pictures. I received a Cedar II hat and t-shirt deal from the camps
captain and it wasn't long before we were headed back to Camp Adder. Even after the show when we were taking pictures, these bodyguards
would get right up behind when people got to close. It was kind of cool. but uncomfortable at the same time?
Our convoy through the Iraqi night is quick. Our drivers pushed those rattling humvees to their limits and we were back in no time!
Back at Camp Adder, Scott Derenger was being set up for a practical joke and I learned everything was set to go once we got back to the
trailers. Steve had gotten Rachel at the MWR building to invite Scott over to her trailer after he returned from Camp Cedar II.
He never told us because 'he didnt want us to ruin it. What he didn't know was that she wasn't going to be there and instead Josh, Steve, Lamar
and I would be there instead.
A newspaper reporter had followed us back to the trailers and we used him to hold Scott up knowing he was dying to get over to Rachels.
We invited him to mid night chow but the said 'No he was going jogging'. We headed over to Rachels to wait for Scott. Running through muddy
field I couldn't help but think that they had missed a land mine and we would be the butt of the jokes. After about an hour we figured that
we had missed him and headed back to the trailers. We couldn't find Scott so we headed over to the D-FAC for some dinner and conversation.
About a half an hour into our meal Scott showed and said he had been jogging. Rich asked him how he liked jogging in hiking boots and we
all kind of chuckled.
After a few minutes Josh excused himself to go meet Rachel and the cat was out of the bag. Scott new we had goofed on him, we just felt
bad that we were on the wrong street and missed him. We had video cameras and the whole nine yards! We laughed..........
April 17, 2005
I woke up early today and walked over to the MWR building to check my emails. The email was down from the sand storm but I was
able to call home and so that was cool. I walked back to the trailer and met up with the crew to head over to the Air Base to take
our first helicopter rides EVER! We got to the air strip early and were able to hit the Italian restaurant for lattes and lively conversation before
our take off. Notice no one has eaten yet today? We've been instructed not to eat if we've never flown in a helicopter. We were also instructed that
IF we did get sick... it was advisable to throw up in your vest or run the risk of being forced to clean the whole helicopter.
Our Black hawks arrived and we were given a briefing by one of the crew members on what to expect. We're instructed that if the helicopter
crashed, we should wait until all of the pieces of the helicopter have stopped moving before trying to exit the helicopter. NICE! It was presentation
that I never thought I'd be listening to, but I guess I'm glad we got it?
The flight was awesome. I sat backwards in the cargo area and kind of had a nice seat in that it wasn't so windy. Every time we would swoop up
to go over the power lines I would find it hard to put my feet on the floor because of the unusual backward position. I filmed the whole ride and
was completely hooked on helicopters after that ride. I had only one two hour ride on the nicest day of the year under my belt, but I was an
expert! The crew were mostly from northern California and our gunner on my side was a female named Stephanie!
We arrived at Camp Echo which is run by the Polish. It was very large and dusty!
After dropping our bags off at the marine camp we headed right over to meet the Polish Colonel and he was a hoot. We talked to him for about
an hour and he had us laughing the whole time! We also met Lars from Sweden and he and the Polish Colonel(name is hard to spell)
gave us their patches and we gave them ours. Neat. It was also at this meeting in the courtyard that I witnessed Josh using the Polish paper
shredder...a burn barrel.
Then it was in to meet the Polish General. He was shorter than me! We had about a half an hour indoor air conditioned meeting with him. He
was entertaining and questioned me about hunting turkeys. I liked him and invited him to West Virginia to do some hunting. After the meeting
we stopped at the MWR building to introduce ourselves, say hi and even played a little ping pong with Rich. I was tired and headed back to the
housing unit for a nap before our show that evening.
Arriving back at the marine camp I was introduced to Sergeant Bishop from Wayne County, West Virginia. He was running the bar-b-que cooking
lobster and steaks. I talked to him for a short while and then headed in for a nap.
I slept like a rock, pardon the pun. At 7:30 we headed over to the PX for dinner and then our show would be after that. I didn't eat much, but did
find myself putting down a few Mountain Dews trying to get awake for the show. The whole day was very tiring and I was just waking up when
the show began.
It was our first show for the coalition forces. US, British, Polish, Denmark, Belgium and El Salvador were some of the homes to the soldiers at
the show tonight. I had an incredible show. The more they laughed the more I animated. It went really well. After the show were given certificates
of appreciation and awarded the Medal Of Excellence by the coalition forces. Real cool!
A half an hour of people lined up to meet, get autographs and take pictures with us after the show. I met a woman from Vienna West Virginia
and we took our picture together.
After the show we headed back to the marine camp walking through the night and the sky was full of stars! It was an odd feeling....having this
medal walking through 'who the hell knows where' Iraq and on our way to a bonfire cookout with the special forces????? When I got back to the
camp Jeff Bishop was still cooking and I bellied up for a lobster tail. There were so many steaks, I was eating them like cookies. No plate, just
picking them up and walking around eating them. It was the desert in a war zone, who needs paper plates?
While eating and talking with the marines at their camp, their Lt Col enjoyed my show and gave me the marines award for excellence. It was really
cool and I was FREAKING out! Middle of Iraq hanging out with the marines at a polish camp with two medals in my pocket etc etc
I was overwhelmed and sat down by the fire to enjoy a cigar that I bought in Amsterdam. Before I could light it, it was replaced with a much
bigger cigar that one of the guys gave me from his collection. I got to see a lot of collections and whatnot that night. My favorite was one of
the guys collection of stuffed monkeys. It was truly a day to remember and don't really remember returning to 'the unit'.
April 18, 2005
I woke up at a little after 5am and headed out for a walk. The birds were squawking and the sky was blue even though the sun hadn't risen yet.
I walked across Camp Echo to the other side where we had met the polish General the day before and then kind of zig zagged my way back to
the D-FAC for breakfast. Probably covering about 2-3 miles, I entered the D-FAC ready for coffee. Right away I ran into some guys who had
seen the night before and we struck up a conversation. They were Marines that were headed out to detonate some unexploded ordinates and
invited me along. No thanks! I would have loved to have gone, but I didn't want to break from my pack and I was pretty sure our helicopters
were leaving before they would be back.
Getting back to our camp, no one was up yet so I lingered around the courtyard and hit some golf balls into the net. They had a Alien
fairway wood and a pitching wedge. It was kind of cool hitting golf balls in Iraq? Around 7am Sergeant Bishop came out and hooked me up to
the internet and I also got to use the satellite phone! They didn't have a direct line to the states like some of the other camps, so as long as
no one was using the phone it was ok to use the satellite phone. Cool.
I went back to my unit and starting packing for our helicopter flight at 9am. We got to the pad early and tossed the football around for a while
until the Polish guys ran over and yelled at us, 'NO FUUTBALL!' HAHA! We kept on playing and Josh made some calls to find out that the
Ambassador that was using our helicopter before us was running late and we wouldn't be picked up for at least 3-4 hours. We load up
our bags in the suburbans and head back to camp. There we split up and agree to meet back in the courtyard at 12:30.
Rich and I walk down to the Haji Mart/Flea Market on the edge of the camp. They are selling mostly DVDs and tacky jewelry. I buy 4 cigars
and some old Iraqi currency. We walk back to the camp. On the way back I stop at the D-FAC and load up on stuffed cabbage and Weiner
schnitzel with my new polish friends. Rich goes on and does some shopping at the PX. He's afraid to eat before we fly I think. I don't care,
its good food and its free! After lunch I dash over to the PX and grab a t-shirt as a souvenir and a couple of frappachinos for the road.
Back at the camp waiting for our helicopters we hear to explosions and climb to the top of the observation tower to take pictures and
see where they came from. Because of their locations, we assume that one was a preplanned detonation and one wasn't.
Back on the 'LZ' landing zone, our choppers arrive and we meet our crew who appears to all be from New England. We start telling them
that we flew on black hawk helicopters the day before and none of us got sick like they said we would etc etc. You know trash talking
the crew. This crew gave us the ride of our life! At one point we were flying down a river bed sideways! I don't think the helicopter was
ever not swinging back and forth. We were flying into Baghdad and I think they were also flying a little defensive tactic? We landed in Baghdad
for about 10 minutes, picked up three guys and we were on our way.
I was amazed at how big Baghdad was . It only had a few tall buildings, but it was sprawling and it seemed like we would never be out of
there. I was a little uneasy flying over Baghdad. There were bombed out buildings everywhere and just a creepy feeling came over me while I
was in that town.
Finally we arrived at Balad, Iraq Camp Anaconda. We were 4 hours late but we hadn't missed the show. Here we were staying at a hotel
on the Camp. I shared a bathroom with Scott Derenger, but I had my own room and a comfortable bed. I dropped my bags in the room and
headed off to the PX just to go for a walk and see a little of the camp. It was hot and I only bought some beverages because my room had
a fridge.
Back at the room I showered and got ready to head over to the D-FAC. I had my lamest meal yet. I got calzone that was more like hot
pockets. During the meal I had to go down the street to retrieve some sleeping bags that one of us left on the helicopter. I hadn't been
using the sleeping bags, but the guy was standing there waiting for someone to offer so I did it? His tent was a lot further away then I had
hoped, but we got her done.
I came back to the D-FAC and finished dinner before we headed off to a MWR building on the west side of the camp. They complained that
they never got entertainment on their side we gave it to them! The show was catered, thank god! It was about 300 troops in this small hall
and we rocked them probably the best show of the week.
After this show we hopped on a bus and drove down to KASF/hospital and did a show for about 14 injured American heroes that were
recovering before they went home and the staff. It was awesome! There was no sound system or lights. We just stood at the end of the tent
and told jokes. Afterward we met everyone and posed for pictures. I was really feeling good about what we were doing at this point.
Back at the hotel I repacked my bag and then headed over to the PX to buy some souvenirs. It was a big store and it had a lot of t-shirts
etc etc. I bought two Hard Rock Cafe Baghdad t-shirts and a plug for my recorder so that I could recharge my battery in the room and
have it ready. It was a nice night and I enjoyed the quiet walk. On the way back helicopters flew over real low and were hardly making any
noise. I thought that was cool.
April 19, 2005
We have a 9:00am call to go to a hospital. Meeting everyone in the lobby, I have a few coffees and were off. We stop at the Air Force Theater
hospital. Before we go in the MWR guide warns us that it has some soldiers in it that are pretty banged up. We get a tour of the emergency
room and a surgical area. This place is a tent too and for what ever reason they use tents for hospitals. I asked the guy why and he gave me
some mumble jumble about they are easier to keep sanitized and they are moveable etc etc. Not the high tech answers I was looking for,
just plain old common sense.
We met some pretty banged up soldiers and they were real happy to see us. The staff was nice too and it was just odd how openly we talked
about what had happened to the soldiers. The were willing to tells us what happened and sometimes you know its just nice to talk about what
happened to a neutral person. Sometimes you don't want your friends to know how scared you were or anything like that.
On the way out of the hospital our bus driver was sleeping waiting in the front seat, so I hurled myself against the window screaming! He
woke up and jumped a mile high! If I knew that I was going to scare him that bad, I wouldn't have done it. I mean he jumped a mile!
From the hospital we were headed over to the 'Skunkwerks' shop. They armor up the vehicles that need it. On the way there we passed
the soccer stadium where Saddam Hussein executed his soccer team for losing to the Iranians in the Olympics. Kind of spooky place?
At the Skunkwerks shop we're given a tour of the shop and they showed us a few projects in the works. They also show us where two mortars
ha hit the shop in the past year. Ouch! While we were outside looking at some armored up semi's and there was an explosion. The sirens
went off...YIKES! A missile had landed somewhere on the camp and we were instructed to go inside until we had gotten the all clear signal.
Inside Donny the MWR guide called into the center to find out where it had hit so that we could go and take pictures! I dont think so!
From the Skunkwerks we headed over to the Balad Air Base to take a tour of that. This is the base where Saddam Hussein buried his Russian
built MIGs during the war. There is one left and it's sitting by the gate covered in graffiti. When we enter this base the bus has to pull over and
and the tires are checked for pebbles. One pebble in the air duct of an F-16 and its all over. They actually walk the runway hand in hand
checking it for pebbles before each take off and landing! Amazing stuff!
Inside our first stop is at an F-16 hanger and we get the full blown speech and tour. I spend most of the time talking to a tech about the
jet and give him a few discs when I leave because he was really cool. Right outside the hanger they had a pallet of J-Dam bombs and
we all took turns signing them. I signed one 'Here comes Shinnston, WV!'
Our next stop is the 'Predator' hanger and we our given a nice speech about that. As the speech winds down we are directed to a runway
where a predator is landing and we get to see it taxi all the way in. Its an awesome outfit. Inside we see the command center that flies the
planes and are shown a movie called 'The Predators Greatest Hits'. I am allowed to videotape this movie and its pretty impressive!
My favorite story from the predator tour was about the time they flew a Predator over for Baghdad for 42 hours luring insurgents out to
shoot at it. Then they could find out where they were and get them. For 42 hours the insurgents shot at this predator and couldn't hit it.
It finally ran out of gas and crashed. CNN reported that the plane was shot down. The army didn't respond because it was such a great
tactic to finding insurgents.
Our next stop the D-FAC where we doing a show at noon for all the night shifters. The show was kind of cool and I had a good set! We only had
to do 10 minutes each and we were in and out in no time. We headed back to the hotel to kill some time before our afternoon show for
the Air Force over at Balad Air Base. It was about 300 troops in a packed tent and I rocked 'em. Pizza Hut an Subway catered the show
and everyone had a great time. After this show we were given some Iraqi currency and awarded the medal for fighting terrorism by the
Tuskeegee Airmen. How cool is that! We met a lot of people at that show and posed for a lot of pictures, it was cool. From there we hopped
on a bus and headed right over to the Sustainer Theatre built by Saddam Hussein for his military shows. The entire base used to be the main
Iraqi Air Base, but we had taken it over early in the war.
The Sustainer was packed. About 750 troops from all branches of the service. Neat! We met a lot of important people before the show
and afterwards we were given certificates of appreciation and I got a coin from the guys who convoy gas trucks around the country. I videoed
this show and we posed for a lot of pictures after this one. This was the show...soldiers would come up to me in the line and there
bodies would just loosen up as the approached me. I was the biggest relief they'd had in a while. Some of them were speechless and I
would pull them in and hug them. It was a weird thing, they had the guns, they had all the gadgets, they had all the ammunition and
somehow I was a comfort to them? I don't mind doing it! It just seems like the farther north you go in this country, the harder the
soldiers are living.
It was getting late so we hopped on a bus and headed back to the hotel. Back there we all used the phones and email that was available
in the lobby of the hotel. I was able to wish Val a happy birthday the day before her birthday because we were 8 hours ahead of her time zone.
Rich and I walked down to the PX and bought some t-shirts and Frappacinos. Back at the hotel we were able to
sit in the courtyard and watch these 2 F-16's take off from the base at night. That was neat to see the big flame and then it goes out once they
get so high in the air. I learned earlier in the day that if they left the jet wide open like that, it would be out of gas in no time.
April 20, 2005
Early rise today and we were off to the 'LZ' to get on our helicopters to Tikrit and Camp Danger. We have an early show in Tikrit
and then we helicopter out of there for FOB Summerall...the most mortared FOB in Iraq. Nice! Our helicopters are on time and we are
off to Tikrit. The flight is rather calm and overcast so we flew with the doors closed for the first time. The flight was over a pretty
barren part of the country and we when we get to Tikrit it is crazy. 56 of Saddam Hussein's palaces are in Tikrit and we chopper
right up along side the main Saddam palace that was bombed at the beginning of the war. 8 bombs hit the bedroom window
of this palace. They came form 6 different places around the world and all arrived within 15 seconds of each other.
Our show is at the MWR building in Tikrit. It is one of Saddam's palaces that had a swimming pool, library and big ballroom
that we did our show in. After we had dropped our bags in the library, we headed out in SUV's to visit the city of Tikrit.
We drove by and stopped at the big palace for photos. It was closed and deemed unsafe by the Army. We kind of zig-zagged our
way around the city and then stopped at a hospital to greet the staff and give them patches. They were fun and we were back
in the SUVs to hit the other side of the river and tour Tikrit. Its an amazing place and I mostly video taped the city.
Our show is at at 11am and after a quick stop at the D-FAC we are on our way back to the MWR building to do the show.
During the first two guys shows I popped into the Haji Mart/ Bazaar and bought a pair of Oakley sunglasses and I bought
Val an Award from the Babylon International Festival. It was supposed to be something ransacked from his palace during the fall of
Iraq. Who knows, its cool?
I toned down my show considerably because it was a religious site. I did awesome and after the show I was interviewed by the
Stas and Stripes magazine. After photos and the interview we headed right out the door and back to the LZ to catch helicopters
to FOB Summerall. Its kind of cool to be doing all these shows and hustling all over the country...I feel like I'm doing something
you know? Something good?
Our helicopters are on time and within minutes of finishing up in Tikrit we are flying away to FOB Summerall. Its about a 45 minute
flight and we arrive to FOB in mid-afternoon. FOB Summerall is kind of dumpy and we are told to wear our body armor at all times.
This place is the most mortared FOB in Iraq and looking around you can see it on everyone's face. Not much sleeping going on here.
We are greeted by an armored humvee escort and all of the guys are from New England and funny. Sarcastically funny and I
like that.
We drive over to our units and drop our bags. We've got some time before the show and I decide to shower. Its funny wearing body
armor and a helmet over to the shower. This place is dismal. We all meet up later and head over to the D-FAC for dinner before touring the
gates around the FOB and talking with the soldiers. At one of the gates we all start posing for pictures, one thing leads to another
and we are out on the shooting range firing the machine guns. I got to fire a 50 cal. machine gun and kept one of the shells.
It was cool firing a gun that powerful.
It was getting dark out and we decided to head over to the gymnasium to do the show. Before the show we enjoyed some ping pong
and soccer games. The show was about to start and I was standing out in front of the gym when a mortar hit just down the road from
the gym. A few guys went running out getting dressed as they left and everyone else stayed. The show started right on time with one
of the female soldiers singing the national anthem a capella. It was really weird to hear that song in this setting shortly after a mortar
had hit. I was pretty choked up.
I went in the back room and looked for something inside to trigger a good show in me. I just remember all the sad hard faces over
at the D-FAC just a few hours before and I knew that I could change that. Just give them my best show and I'm sure they will
love it! I put forth a good effort and they loved it. I rocked that packed gymnasium and never once during my show did anyone
think about that mortar! I can guarantee you that!
It was awesome! After the show we were all given certificates of appreciation and the flag that had flown over the camp that day.
What a neat thing to have! I will never forget that day. FOB Summerall was a risky place
after dark. On the way back to the units one of the guys opened up to us about what a hell hole FOB Summerall was and how much
he missed home. His daughter had become a New England Patriots cheerleader and he missed that. He was really confused
and I felt sorry for him. He was a big burly guy with no control of his life. He was getting fired on all the time and had even
been IED a few days before. He joked about how bad of bomb makers the insurgents were and that he just didn't care anymore.
At our units we sat outside for a while and had cigars and bullshitted about the tour so far. Sitting in the middle of
Iraq and having been fired on tonight, my goal of getting home had gotten smaller. I just wanted to get to the next town. I didn't like
FOB Summerall and couldn't wait to get out of there.
April 21, 2005
We woke up today to fully dressed people telling us we had about 15 minutes to get ready to eat breakfast and then head over to
the LZ to catch our choppers. The schedule had changed. Luckily I had slept with my shoes and jacket on. I wasn't taking any
chances at FOB Summerall. I was ready to roll. We loaded into the humvees and headed over to the D-FAC for breakfast.
I had a long night and didn't care about no stinking helicopter ride. I pigged out at breakfast. We were stuffing our pockets as
we left to catch our helicopters to FOB Dibis. It was further north and east along the Little Zeb River. Our helicopters were on time
and we were off to a new frontier.
We stopped once on our way to FOB Dibis for gas and get greeted by a friendly dog at the fuel stop. Back on our way we arrive at
FOB Dibis right on time and drop our bags in the weight room. One of the guys points out that my zipper is down. Thinking back,
I have no idea how long it has been open. Who cares? We're at war with Al Queda!
FOB Dibis is the former home of Chemical Ali and nestled right into the town. You can hear the kids playing in the neighborhood from
anywhere on FOB Dibis. They are also training Iraqi soldiers there and its very weird having them walk around near us.
The show is great and we have a quick lunch before heading out to find out that our helicopters are running two hours late.
Sitting on the roof of the compound during our delay, an Iraqi comes out on his roof next door to us and keeps an eye on us.
With two hours to kill I am able to get on a laptop computer and write home. Its weird sitting in the room with other soldiers
writing home with tears in your eyes. I guess its not as bad as walking around all morning with my pants unzipped?
Finally our helicopters arrive and we take off for FOB Kalsu. Its in the foothills of the Zagros Mountains and our flight is just spectacular.
The scenery is breathtaking as we skirt along the border of Iran and head to Kalsu.
Arriving in Kalsu we are late, but they are flexible. We have dinner in a flimsy but effective D-FAC. Cheeseburgers and hot dogs
tonight. But that's alright with me.
They decide to do the show on the roof of the compound at sunset. Its a great idea and the shows just rocks. By the time I got
up onstage it was dark out and there were about 6 flashlights shining on me throughout the show. What a great show!
Up in the mountains at sunset, there was no microphone and we just had to let it fly.
We would stay up late this night talking with soldiers and getting emails etc etc.
April 22, 2005
I get up early out here at Kalsu to see the sunrise, its awesome and I head back to the unit to get my camera. Up on the roof I snapped
about 5 pictures of the surrounding mountains and then headed out for a short walk. Two stray dogs greeted me by the gate and I
headed back to my unit from there. I went over to MWR building to shower before headed out but the place was out of water
and it would be awhile before they got the pumps going again.
Back at the unit I hear from one of the passing by soldiers that breakfast is going, they got some water some where? We pack up
our bags, load them in the SUV's and pop in for a quick breakfast before the helicopters arrive. Everyone seems to be nursing coffee
today and I think were all a little tattered at this point?
The helicopters are on time and we are on our way to Mosul. I video taped this flight. We headed back through the mountains and
passed by some of the most scenic country side I have every scene. A large lake appeared out of nowhere in the middle of the
mountains and it was awesome1
Stopping for gas along the way to Mosul we pass a pipeline fire that is so new that we could see the fire truck just arriving at the
scene. Stopping for gas I shot some nice video of the No smoking sign and the huge black cloud from the oil fire in the
background.
Back in the air and were on our way to Mosul. As we get near the city you can see the bombed out areas from old Iraqi Army
sites. Some of the bases are completely leveled and turned into a junkyard. Miles of empty anti-aircraft bunkers across the country
side. Its amazing how much of this land was covered with military crap. Its hard to tell what was from the war with us and what was
from the war with Iran.
We land in Mosul and its hot and steamy. We hang out at the air base in Mosul for about 2 hours. Then we will hop in some
different Helicopters and fly out to FOB Sykes for our last show of the tour. In Mosul we hit the Haji Marts and you can hear gunfire
in the background most of the time. Our time in Mosul goes by quickly and we our soon headed out to FOB Sykes. Its about a 20
minute flight out to FOB Sykes and we are quickly on the ground and finding our units for the night. We drop our bags
and head over to the D-FAC for lunch and meet the soldiers type thing. I ate with some kids from Indiana, New Hampshire, Mississippi
and one kid from West Virginia. We had a good meal and a good laugh. They promised to come to the show. We all headed back to
our units with milkshakes from the El Salvadorians!
I took a nap and woke up ready for a big show! We head over early to be interviewed by the Army and they also filmed the show.
It was our last show in Iraq but the first show ever at FOB Sykes and I was up for the challenge. I had a rocking good set. Afterwards
we were given certificates of appreciation and posed for a lot of photographs. I met the kids that I had lunch with and we also met
some of the kids who had lost their bud in an IED the night before.
Back at the units we get a small party going in the center and all sit around having cigars and telling our stories. Its a weird
evening for me. I don't want it to be over yet I know that going home from here is a good thing! I enjoy this bonding with the
soldiers. Its like living in the 1800's with no TV and you get to know people better than just judging them by their exterior. Here in
Iraq, you got to meet people and see them at their best and worst. Everyone has a story and everyone is part of a story. Its a
powerful situation.
April 23, 2005
We wake up early to shower and be ready to get the hell out of Iraq. Packed and ready to head back to Mosul where we will catch our
flight back to Kuwait. On our way to the 'LZ' we stop at the D-FAC for breakfast. I ate a lot and even found myself enjoy a few
biscuits and some gravy. After breakfast we all headed to the LZ and waited for the helicopters. Rich got out his football and I broke
out my Frisbee. When the helicopters arrived we got on and headed to Mosul.
Arriving in Mosul its another hot and steamy day and we have 4-5 hours to kill before our plane to Kuwait arrives. Rachel gets us in
the MWR building before it opens and we have free computers to play with until the Haji Marts open. I check my emails and return
a lot of mails.
After about an hour we headed out to load our luggage on a pallet for the plane trip and a mortar hit near the end of the runway. We
keep right on walking and loaded the luggage! Captain says, 'That doesn't look good!' Yikes! Gunfire erupts in the neighborhoods and the
we spend the rest of our time in Mosul just hating it!
When our plane gets there we head out to the runway to be ready. As we are standing on the runway goofing on each other and taking
pictures for the last time, a team of 'Strykers' arrive with injured soldiers. They pull up to the end of the runway and unload 4 injured
Americans and they are quickly dashed around the wall to the hospital. The remaining soldiers returned to the
runway and began throwing their helmets down and just venting over their injured buddies. Then they hopped back in the Strykers and
sped off. I stood in silence and watched the whole thing away from the others, I didn't want to not feel that situation. Captain turned
around and said 'They're going to go find the guys that did that and kill them'.
I stood right there on the middle of that runway and prayed to god that they would find those guys, kill them and return safely. I've said
'I hope you die' to a bad driver or something and really didn't mean it. But I meant this. More than anything, after seeing the frustration
of those soldiers who brought their injured friends in, I hoped they got revenge. Its a weird thing, but when you see it...its different?
That was it for me. Mosul sucks!
The events of that runway carried with me until I got back to Detroit on Sunday.
It was good to get back to the USA!