Afghanistan Journal July 31to August 16
Living beyond my wildest dreams.
My tour of Afghanistan this time took me through land that I never dreamed of seeing. As I scanned through maps of Kyrgyzstan, Uzbekistan and Afghanistan, I thought about how weird it is that I am getting to do this. It is an honor for me to be going to represent our country and entertain our troops. I often don't feel worthy of getting to do and see all the things that these military shows allow me to do. It makes me try harder and I believe it isn't until you realize how insignificant you are...that you can begin to realize how significant you can be. And if I can make a few people laugh along the way....
Day 1 July 31,2005
Around 5pm Val drops me off at Pittsburgh Int'l Airport and my journey begins. I fly from Pittsburgh to Chicago first. It seems like we just get up in the air and we are headed back down into O'Hare. Flying on an American Eagle I have a window seat and snap some unique photos of Wrigley and Soldier Field. A little ironic...on my way to Afghanistan and I fly over 'Soldier' Field.
Landing in O'Hare for my first time ever and I have 1 1/2 hours to connect with my next flight to London. I take a train to the Int'l terminal and make my connecting flight no problem.
This is my second trip overseas, but my first time traveling overseas by myself. It's a Weird feeling, but I kind of enjoy it?
I board a British Airways Airbus that is packed with kids from a church choir headed for London. Of course I am in the middle seat and both people around me are going to London and don't speak English. Dinner is Chicken/rice and chocolate marble cheesecake. On the flight to London I watch Hollywood Confidential and track the plane mostly.
Day 2 August 1,2005
We arrive in London exactly on time. I am seated exactly in the middle of the plane and see exactly nothing landing in London! It's late morning in London and the airport is hopping! And I have been up all night on a plane and I am started to sour!
I have 4hrs to kill at Heathrow and quickly find an internet cafe to email everyone back home about my first part of the trip. I get 15 minutes on the internet for one pound. Over the next four hours I would hit the internet five times for 15minutes each time and email people. I also walked around the airport and bought some cigars and chewing gum.
About an hour before the flight I run into PJ Walsh by our terminal and we talk for a while and then take a walk to look for the other comedians. Its kind of cool 'running into' people at the airport in London! Anyhow, back by our terminal PJ and I run into James P Connolly, Scott Henry and WIllis Turner. They all seem like cool dudes and shortly we are in line to board the plane. As I board the plane I am pulled aside and told that my seat was sold and that I have been moved up to first class! Alright! Makes up for the 'hellride' with the church choir across the Atlantic Ocean!
Our plane departs and we are on our way to Yerevan, Armenia. Our flight leaves a little behind schedule. In first class we have champagne right after takeoff! For dinner we have Salmon and smoked haddock pie(alot like chicken pot pie) sautéed leeks with an herb crumb topping, spicy potatoes and white chardonnay wine. For desert I had Creme Brullee. I love this first class!
We are traveling at 33,000 feet at 560 mph in a A320 Airbus. My seat reclines fully with leg lifts! Instead of watching a film this time, I track the plane across Europe the whole way. we fly over Luxemborg, Dusseldorf, Brussels, Budapest, Istanbul and the last leg of the flight into Yerevan is over the Black Sea.
It is a 3 1/2 hour flight into Yerevan and before you know it we are eating breakfast. My breakfast is horrible and the French Military captain sitting next to me hates his food too!
We land in Armenia and leave within 1/2 an hour. Its dark outside and we never leave the plane. We just dropped some folks off, filled up with gas and were on our way to Bishkek, Krygyzstan.
On our way to Bishkek the plane is less crowded and I move to a empty row in first class. We fly over the Aral Sea and the Caspian Sea. It is night time and I see very little of the countryside.
Day 3 August 2, 2005
Our plane lands in Bishkek at 5am. We board a bus off the plane, drive about 50 yards forward and exit the bus into the terminal. Just the beginning of this goofy country. I spend about 1/2 hour in customs trying to get a VISA into the country. It comes down to paying $35 for the VISA. I give the guy a $100 bill and he says that he needs something smaller. I say, I know you got change I just saw three other guys give you correct change. He says that he needs something smaller. I ask the guy if he takes VISA and of course he says no. The VISA office doesn't take VISA! I show the guy that I only have five $100 bills. he picks one from the middle and gives me back $65. Welcome to Bishkek!
Now with my VISA in hand I can pass thru customs and get my passport stamped. Everyone is waiting for me and my bag is already on a cart ready to go when I get thru customs.
Sgt Bell and Sgt C.C. pick us up at the Airport and drive us over to Manas Air Base. Its about a 3 mile drive and we wait at the front gate for a short while to get in.
Outside the gate about 50 young Kyrgyzstan men are waiting to see if they can get on the base and work as a laborer. If they do, they will make about $25 for 8 hours of work. The average Kyrgyzstan worker in town makes about $25 per week. The anticipation of those waiting is very evident.
Once inside Manas we are run through security at the front gate and I have to strip nearly naked to finally get thru the metal detector. After screening at the gate we get dropped off at the PAX terminal for a brief orientation and some paper work to fill out. Sgt Bell gives us passes to the base and drops us off at our tent.
After dropping our bags in the tent we head over to the D-FAC for breakfast. The food is good, but we are beat up from our trip and leave shortly for our tent. Our tent holds six people, has a fridge and AFN(Armed Forces Network) television. I sleep off and on for a few hours and then get up to do some exploring.
My first stop is the Green Bean Cafe for a Latte and emails. After that I head over to the gym for a quick workout. When I get back to the tent, I join up with the James, Willis and Scott for a walk around the base. It's now past 10am and we are able to get in a few of the shops. At a Russian gift shop we spend an hour trying on Russian hats and taking pictures of the goofy clothes. It's amazing how much fun you can have in one of these little Russian gift shops?
After lunch I head back down to the Green Bean Cafe for some emails and coffee. They have a nice deal, 29 cents per minute for a phone call or the internet. I spend the rest of the day exploring the base and reading.
Around 11pm I am still up reading when James, Scott and Willis wake up to go eat, so I join them. At the D-FAC I tell the guys how when I was out walking earlier that I tripped and fell on a pile of dirt that was in the middle of a parking lot and very hard to NOT see. It was dark out and the lighting made the dirt tricky to see, but still...Willis started laughing so hard that he nearly choked and died. So right then and there we all decided that if something were to happen and one of us should die of something stupid like falling over dirt or choking on food, the others would take them out and shoot them to make their death look more heroic! We laughed!
Day 4 August 3, 2005
Up nearly all night and having just traveled 1/2 way around the world I finally crash and sleep until 9:30am. Not bad except we have a 10:00 am meeting with the base commander. Where's my baseball cap?
I brush my teeth and get a coffee before heading off to the meeting. the commander is a lot of fun and he keeps us amused for about 1/2 an hour. After the meeting we head out to meet some of the folks working on the base who won't be able to make it to the show.
Our first stop is back out to the main gate where we meet K-9 'Ada' who gives us a nice attack demonstration. As I am getting my picture taken with K-9 Ada she sticks her nose in my crotch in front of about 25 people including the base photographer! We all had a good laugh! Driving to our next stop we are all singing like Johnny Cash, 'Well I killed a man in Bishkek and made love to his dog!' Hysterical!
The next stop we are taken to the airstrip! C.C. and Sgt Bell take us to tour a C-155 refueling plane. It has been reconditioned and is in excellant shape. The crew shows us how a guy lays in the belly towards the back of the plane and peeks out a window to direct the fueling hose into the jets. There are three huge bladders on the plane that hold the gas to be used in refueling.
Next stop a check point at the airport. these guys let us check the cars coming in and hold their rifles. I ask stupid questions at the check point. 'Like who won the ball game?' Its alot of fun and we are out of their in a short time.
The next stop, EOD. Explosive Ordinates Division. It is awesome! Willis and Scott try on the bomb proof suit and I get to motor around a robot that detonates bombs. They also show us a 90mm water cannon that can penetrate a car door or push the engine out of a car from behind!
After a day of meet and greets, all the travel and fresh air, I head back to the tent for a nap before our first show.
I wake up at 7:15 for a 8pm show! Yikes! A quick shower and we are on foot to the outdoor show sight. A stage in front of the EOD offices and the crowd packed in between two warehouses with the mountains in the background our show rocks! About 350-400 coalition forces gather for beer night(2 beers per soldier). After the show we receive a MOR Medal of Recognition from the Major for helping fight the war on terrorism.
After the show we head over to the camp saloon for our two beers. I have a couple of Sam Adams to wash down the horrible Russian beer that they originally tried to give us.
After a fun time at Little Pete's we all head over to the D-FAC for mid-night chow.
After returning to the tent I sleep for about 3 hours and then get up around 4am and head over and do Laundry. For some reason I cant sleep and the laundry is free if you don't mind doing it. I get all my clothes clean for our trip south and head back to the tent for a short nap before 'show time'( show time is a term used to denote the time you have to be at the airport, what time the want you to 'show' up).
Day 5 August 4, 2005
Scott Henry wakes me up on the couch at 7am to go to breakfast and I am up for it. After breakfast I head out for a long walk around the camp and end up at the Green Bean Cafe. For a couple hours I sit amongst the mumbling French soldiers having a latte and writing some emails.
After a short while I head back to the tent because at this point we are not sure what time we are heading to Uzbekistan. Back at the tent I head over to shower and get ready for our flight to Uzbekistan. After showering I join a couple of guys in the smoking area for a cigar. They are waiting for a flight back to the states.
Back at the tent Sgt Bell pops in and tells us to be ready at noon. Our flight to Uzbekistan is booked!
At noon Sgt Bell pulls up the van and we are off to the the PAX terminal to get checked in/out for our flight to Uzbekistan. Everything is in order and we board our C-130 from Charleston, West Virginia as a storm approaches. On the runway we are ordered back to the terminal because there are lightning strikes within 5 miles of the airport. Our crew is from Texas and they want to get all of there runs in for the day and not be stranded at an unfamiliar camp. They say screw it and we prepare to fly.
About 15 minutes goes by and our pilot walks around the runway and deems the skies safe for travel. Within minutes our plane is running and we are on our way to K-2 Uzbekistan.
After we get going the crew informs us that they have to drop a few guys off in Bagram Afghanistan and then take us to Uzbekistan. The time is short and it just works better that way.
Our flight to Bagram is unbelievable! The mountains were like something out of a national geographic show and I was mesmerized the entire flight. I video taped the entire flight and snapped photos from the cockpit and both sides of the plane. As beautiful as the mountains were they were also very eerie. Knowing that the Taliban were hiding out in them hills made them all the more extreme. From snow covered mountains to quaint little villages that remind me of golf courses because of the isolated greenery, its all very 'alien' to me.
We land in Bagram, Afghanistan under full combat mode. A steep spiraling landing that isn't for the faint of heart. Landing in Bagram it reminds me a lot of Arizona or Las Vegas. The base is surrounded by dusty mountains and it's hot! The crew tells us to stay near the plane because there are snipers in the mountains and every now and then... They also talk about how at night this entire base goes dark to prevent snipers from getting a good shot at the base!! I'm glad we are not staying here tonight! There were also four escaped Taliban prisoners loose on the base too. So that was another reason that they wanted us to stay near the plane.
As we were being told all of these horror stories of the base in Bagram our flight crew finds a damaged brake cylinder on the plane and informs to get comfortable, it might be a hour or so before it can be fixed.
The crew decides that they don't want to spend the night in Bagram and decide to fix it themselves. They decide to seal off the entire brake cylinder and hope that the other cylinders will be enough to stop the plane when we get to Uzbekistan. No problem!
While they work on the plane one of the crew members shows us in the hills where three marines were killed just two weeks before and another marine was protected by a local farmer. It's a weird feeling to look up at those snow covered mountains and know that our guys were fighting up there??
Our crew reassured us that there were Taliban sitting up there watching us and waiting for an oppurtunity...
After 1 1/2 hours our brakes are fixed and we are on our way to Uzbekistan. The 'Big Ooze'. Its getting late in the afternoon( Iam never sure what time it is) and the skies are cloud free as fly back to Uzbekistan. I video tape the entire flight through the mountains and enjoy every minute of it.
We arrive in Uzbekistan around 7:30 and have missed dinner. On our way to our living units(trailers) Sgt Coffman stops at Subway and I have one of the lamest sandwiches ever!!!
After dumping off our bags PJ, Willis, James and I walk over to the internet cafe to shoot off some emails. Its a clear night as we walk around K-2 base. Once again I am overwhelmed to be walking around Uzbekistan at night under the stars....
The guy at the internet cafe is a real moron, but we put up with his crap because the computers are free here and it is a nice way to stay in touch with the people back home.
After some emails, PJ and I walk down to the D-FAC for midnight chow and end up talking about comedy and reason until 1:30 in the morning.
DAY 6 August 5,2005
The day begins at 7am. PJ and I walk over to breakfast. At this point I am mostly drinking. I get a little bit of food and drink about 10 juices. Just getting out and walking around these bases in the morning is enjoyable because it is nice and cool.
After breakfast I hit the gym for a brief workout and then hit the trail to walk around the base snapping photos in the fresh morning light. Its a neat old Russian base that has these cool hangers that are covered in dirt and have grass growing on top of them. The doors to the hangers are huge and have wheels on them to help move the door back and forth.
Willis and I walk the base and hit a few of the gift shops for some self induced entertainment. Willis and I try on these neat Russian furry hats and snap photos with the store clerk. Willis bought a hat and I bought some more Russian currency. I also bought Val a neat necklace at this gift shop.
Lunch rolls around and the group rejoins for a trip over to the D-FAC. For lunch I eat 1/2 of a burger and pound the juices! Ahhh!
After lunch we all go back to our unit and nap for the afternoon. The temperature is well above 100 during the afternoon and we are tired from all the traveling.
After a healthy nap we all walk over to the D-FAC for dinner before the big show. For dinner I have some cabbage and noodles along with a few diet cokes. Time is tight and we head right back to the unit to get ready for the show.
Tonights show is in the biggest tent that I have ever performed in. Its full of Air Force soldiers and even some of our crew that flew us into Uzbekistan! The show rocks! PJ Walsh has them screaming tonight and everyone walks away happy! I forgot some of my new jokes but still had a great set!
After this show we head over to the D-FAC for midnight chow and I finally eat a decent amount of food. Chicken, rice and steamed vegetables. hmmmmmm.
DAY 7 August 6 2005
Today we have a 7am 'showtime' for our flight. I wake up at 5:45 and immediately head over to the gym to workout for 1/2 an hour.
After the gym I head over to the internet cafe and check my emails before heading back to our unit. At 7am Sgt Coffman is a no show and we walk ourselves over to the PAX terminal to check in. At the PAX terminal we find out that our flight has been delayed until 1pm. We walk back to the unit and sit in the main room just ripping it up for 2 hours. Movies, Sports you name it and we made fun of it!
Sgt Coffman shows up at 11am to pick us up and we head over to the PAX terminal to check-in for our flight. After we are set for the flight, PJ, Willis and I head over to the D-FAC for lunch. I cant eat and just have a few DR Peppers. Back at the PAX terminal we load our luggage up and board a C-130 based out of Texas.
We sit in this plane for over an hour with the engines on in 100+ degree weather sweating before they decide that the plane is not safe and wont be flying today. There is also a logistics deal that will keep this plane out of the sky today because they cant fly at night in Uzbekistan...long story.
As we leave the plane everyone is taking pictures of how sweaty I am. I finally got hydrated and now I'm dehydrated again! ARGH! BAck at the PAX terminal they cancel the flight officially because of the daylight matter. Ironically, it is the second day in a row that this plane has not been able to fly. Even more ironic, the plane we got bumped from first thing in the morning for cargo has skidded off the runway in Bagram and screwed up all the flights thru the region. Yeah the plane we originally were supposed to be on wrecked and the second one that they got for us was unable to fly for the second day in a row!!
In the PAX terminal everyone is asking us to do another show. Its around 4pm and they put out the word that we were staying and going to do another show at 8:30pm.
It is packed! What a compliment! 1/2 of the crowd from the night before came back to see us again and the tent is packed. We all have some fun with the show and the troops were thrilled.
Afterwards we are privy to join the troops for 'waffle night' in the D-FAC. I ate 1/2 a waffle and drank a bunch of juices before walking back to our unit and going to bed. It has been a long day that started at 5:45am for me. I am asleep fast!
DAY 8 August 7,2005
Up before sunrise I head over to the D-FAC to fill my travel mug with coffee. I pass on the workout today and decide to walk the perimeter of the base a few times and enjoy my coffee and the cool air.
Back at our unit, PJ is back from his workout and I join him for breakfast. We run into the crew from our canceled C-130 flight the day before and they tell us how screwed up the schedule is, but that we will probably get out of K-2 today. PJ and I talk about comedy some more. He's very focused and sees a big picture of comedy.
We walk back to the unit and the others have finally gotten up. They are going back to the D-FAC for breakfast and PJ and I decide to join them. We've got two hours to kill before Sgt Coffman picks us up at 10am for 'showtime'. We have some good laughs at breakfast and meet a lot of people who have seen our show.
Sgt Coffman is on time and we check in at the PAX terminal once again for a 1pm flight to Kandahar, Afghanistan. AT the PAX terminal there is a sign that says all weapons must be checked at the desk. So I lay my hands up on the counter and tell the guy to check these weapons out! After we check in and our passports have been given back. PJ, Willis and I walk back to the D-Fac for lunch...before the flight.
The plane leaves right on time and we are headed to Kandahar Afghanistan. Within minutes we are in Afghanistan air space.
The entire flight crew has seen our show and hooks us up with headsets for the entire flight. James P Conolly got to close the rear gate on the C-130. Willis and Scott got to sit in the cockpit for the entire flight and I got to stand in the back window of the plane and hold a gun(because of my 'I didnt get a gun in Iraq routine') and call the fuel purges on the headsets for the pilot. When the pilot tips his wings down so far it releases fuel that erases the jet stream left by the engines...thus thwarting and heat seeking missiles that might be fired at us from the ground. I think this so cool that I get to do this, but at the same time I feel like this a little more important than letting me do it!?!?
Once again here I am in this super cool situation...flying thru the mountains of Afghanistan in a C-130 with the greatest fighting forces on the planet. Me with a headset on and NOTHING to say but WOW! Actually, Scott Henry had a headset on too and we bombarded the crew with barstool jokes. It was fun! It was also funny to me that at one point of the flight one of the crew members asked me if I had my walking shoes on, which is a call back to my show and very flattering!
Flying into Kandahar there is an incident with some guys in a pick-up truck and we have rather rocky combat landing there in the desert. Willis doesn't make it and barfs right in the cockpit. He has been looking out the front window of the plane for the last minute. the dive is so steep all he has been seeing is the ground and finally loses it. Of course we were like paparrazi's after Britney Spears taking pictures of Willis and his combat landing!!!
It is 133 degrees on the runway in Kandahar and no place for anybody not feeling well. Willis finally pulls himself together and exists the plane to cheers and flashbulbs!
We check in at the PAX terminal and Sgt Wyatt takes us to our tent to drop off our bags.
Sgt Wyatt is from Phoenix and will be in charge of us for the next few days. He takes us to our tent and then gives us a brief tour of Kandahar.
Its very dusty here! We drive by where our show will be, where the food is and then he takes by the 'Last Stand of the Taliban'. Its a building near the airstrip that was the old Taliban government building. We/USA hit that building with one J-dam bomb and killed 60 of the top Taliban government officials. One bomb did in the entire Taliban government and left the building standing. The J-dam bomb puts a hole in the roof of the building and the explosion scorches everyone inside the building instead of imploding the structure.
Its very cool, yet spooky?
After our dusty tour, we hit the D-FAC and I eat two plates of turkey and gravy. loaded with salt!! After dinner we go back to our tent and Willis is still sacked out from his Rocky landing into Kandahar. SO. Scott and PJ proceed to safety pin Willis to his bed and then bury his bed in lockers. Even placing two mattress' over the top of the lockers to completely entomb Willis in the tent. I video tape the whole thing and James P Conolly stand nearby laughing!
We go and watch the movie 'Team America' in the TV room with Sgt Wyatt and return to find Willis still sound asleep. I flip on the camera and Scott and PJ begin to pound on the lockers and talking like Taliban rebels to scare Willis out of his sleep. He is not amused by our pranks in the least and says he will pray for us! All on tape!
Day 9 August 8, 2005
The day begins with Sergeant Wyatt picking us up for breakfast. We find out that our schedule has been changed and we will doing a show in Kandahar tonight and flying out to FOB's for the rest of the week.
After breakfast I work out and then head over to the PX for batteries. Next to the PX is a barber shop and I get my haircut fir $5. Its 120 degrees in the afternoon here in Kandahar and the less hair I have the better!
The forecast for Kandahar the next two days is Dusty and 120 degrees for the high! Dusty! not partly cloudy! Dusty!
For lunch I find myself drinking more than eating and the heat puts me back in the tent for the afternoon.
Kandahar is an unusual place in that it is soooo dusty. Its like being at the Munsters all the time. Everyone is dusty and everything is dusty. It also seems like there is alot of activity at this base, as far as people coming and going and equipment coming and going.
Our show was set up at the last minute but the place is packed and we all have pretty darn good sets. About 300 people showed up at the MWR Center!
After the show we are joined by Lt Barnicle for dinner. they have Chicken Cordon Bleu and I have a few Diet Dr Peppers to go with my dinner.
After dinner we go back to the TV room and watch some sports center before turning in.
Day 10 August 9,2005
I wake up at the crack of dawn and head out to the Taliban tavern for some coffee and sit on a picnic table to do some writing. A stray cat joins me for coffee. The Taliban Tavern is an old Taliban Hash hut that just so happens to be on our camp! It has been turned into a place to have coffee and is run completely on donations. There's also a TV and some snacks inside as well. I just think its neat that the coffee hut is right near our tent.
I sit outside on the picnic table writing about my experience so far and watching c-130's and helicopters come and go at the airstrip. It's all so unreal yet...real! I sit outside until the flies come out and then I head back over to the tent to nap until Sgt Wyatt comes to get us for breakfast.
Sgt Wyatt takes Scott, PJ and I over for breakfast before we chopper out to FOB Pacemaker in the afternoon. We have omelets for breakfast and come back to the tent to pack for our trip out to FOB Pacemaker.
When Sgt Wyatt and Lt Barnicle pick us up we find out that our flight has been pushed back an hour and so we decide to eat lunch. I have a wonderful Tuna Salad and then we head over to the 'LZ' to get armored up for our flight out to FOB Pacemaker!
FOB Pacemaker is only 6 weeks old with about 170 soldiers building and in support of a highway between Kabul and Kandahar to help trade. the Black Hawk helicopter ride is about 45 minutes up into the mountains and the scenery is unbelievable.
Arriving at FOB Pacemaker we are given a brief tour and the show is cranked up. The helicopters will be back to pick us up shortly so we have no time to waste.
The show is awesome! Surrounded by mountains in the middle of nowhere Afghanistan, we do the show off the back of a semi-truck. Its just how I thought it should be! We slug it out and give the troops one hell of a show!
The choppers arrive back and we fly back to Kandahar at sunset. I pick the worst seat on the helicopter for wind, but it was the best seat for the scenery! What a flight back to Kandahar thru the mtns.
Arriving back in Kandahar Sgt Wyatt takes us to the D-FAC for dinner and we all enjoyed a healthy meal before heading back to the tents.
I get back to the tent, shower and go right to sleep. It has been a long and fun day!
Day 11 August 10,2005
This day begins early. Like 5am 'showtime' early. Everyone is up and we are ready to go to Lashkargah PRT. We leave the 'LZ' before sunrise and head out to Lashkargah in a Chinook helicopter with an Apache helicopter flying with us in support. The Chinook is a big slow thing and I would much rather be flying in a speedy Black Hawk helicopter myself!
It takes about 45 minutes to fly out to Lashkargah in southwestern Afghanistan and along the way I got some neat video of the crew firing their 50 caliber machine guns off in the mountains.
The flight out to Lashkargah is very scenic at sunrise and we arrive around 8am. They have no idea we are coming, but are thrilled that we are there and decide on a 11am showtime, because our Chinook will be back around 1pm to pick us up.
We are immediately set down and have breakfast cooked for us. After breakfast some of the guys go with one guy to the internet cafe and Scott Henry, Sgt Wyatt and I join the major for a walking tour of Lashkargah. We are up in one of the guard towers and I snap some nice photos of the locals going into town for the day, Some riding motorbikes, bicycles, tractors and donkeys. Its amazing to see this primitive way of thinking blend with the progress of the times?!?!
Walking the base with the major I meet some of the local Afghanistan people who help the US work with the local people and translate. I met three of the meanest looking men I have ever been around and they were the chefs who would cook us a little bit of traditional food.
I also met an older guy named 'Delbert' who the major said was like the mayor of Lashkargah. The major said if he needed anything, Delbert could get it. Later as I was talking to Delbert and no one was around i asked him if he would mind taking his picture with me and he walked away. I thought I had offended him or that he missed understood me. When I turned to see where he was going, he had pulled a mirror out from under his shirt and was fixing his turbine and beard. I guess he was having a bad towel day?
Anyhow, I got the picture and gave Delbert one of my USA gold $1 coins and he loved it!
Then I show Delbert the picture of the two of us on my camera and a smile comes over his face that made my trip! It was nice to meet this man from the mountains of Afghanistan and make him smile like that. I don't know how or what to compare it to... Even though Delbert knew some English, the communication between Delbert and I was thru our eyes. It was a neat feeling!
The show goes super and before you know it we are back in our Chinooks heading back to Kandahar. On the way back our Chinook shoots flares off as we pass over a small village and I just happen to have the video running when we do that, Its neat?
Landing back in Kandahar in mid afternoon, our day is done! So we head back to the tent and sack out until dinner.
Sgt Wyatt picks us up at 7pm for dinner. We have sloppy joes and then go to the TV room and watch the movie 'Dodgeball' with Ben Stiller. Its funny.
I go to bed right after the movie. I have been nodding out thru the movie and need some rest.
Day 12 August 11,2005
I wake up at 7am and head out to the Taliban Tavern for coffee. I enjoy coffee and writing in my journal until the flies come out around 8-8:30. Then I head over to the TV room to watch ESPN until Sgt Wyatt comes to get us for breakfast. He arrives a little after nine and we are pressed for time to round everyone up and make it over to the D-Fac before they close. Long Story short...we miss breakfast and end up at the MWR center having muffins and strong coffee.
From there we pop into where Sgt Barnicle works and pick her up for lunch. Roast Pork, cabbage, vegetables and many drinks for lunch!! At lunch I have a long talk with Sgt Wyatt about life and death and what it all means etc etc.
Our show for tonight has been canceled because one of the special forces guys got killed and the memorial for him was that day and we talked about how much the troops sacrifice and how sick it is to watch Terrell Owens asking for money on ESPN everyday!
We all head back to the tents and I wander off to see if I can make a morale call home. The afternoon is filled with reading and writing in the cool tent!
Sgt Wyatt picks us up for dinner and then we all go to the TV room to watch the Longest Yard. Great movie and then I go to bed!!
Day 13 August 12, 2005
I wake up at 5:45 and walk over to call Val. After that I hit the Taliban tavern for some coffee and watch ESPN. Hanging out at the Taliban Tavern in the morning until the flies come out has been an enjoyable part of my day. Its no woods of West Virginia, but it'll do for now. This fine morning they are announcing and detonating explosions at a rather consistent pace. Its hard for me to believe that after 3 years of our occupation in Afghanistan they are still finding that many ordinates.
I decide that I am not going to miss breakfast today and set out on foot to start my day. I first walk over by the PX store and there are a lot of people playing volleyball in the main courtyard. I notice that they all have reflector belts on too and it only makes sense to play volleyball in the morning before it gets hot out!
Just another click down the road is the main D-FAC and I decide to head on down that way.
For breakfast I have turkey sausage, an omelet and 4 orange juices! Ahhhh!
Walking back to the tent the base is very quiet, the sky is blue and all the flag's are flying half staff because of the killed special forces soldier the day before. Its a sad eerie feeling to be walking around Afghanistan in the morning(without a gun) and all this reminder of what goes on outside the walls of this camp.
When I get back to the tent PJ, James and Willis have gotten up and I ride over with them and Sgt Wyatt for breakfast. I have some coffee and we gab the morning away. After breakfast I go back to the tent and nap until lunch. Tonight is our big show and we are all kind of laying low until this evening.
Lunch is a success! Philly cheese steak and cheesecake! what a combo!!!
After lunch we all hung out in the TV room watching football and going thru the books on the shelves. I got a book on Iraq and one on Kayaking for the plane ride home.
After running some laundry around we head over to the D-FAC for dinner before the big show.
The show tonight is packed around the corner. There are people standing where they cant even see the stage! The show is awesome and we all have rocking good sets!
Its a great way to end the tour in Afghanistan.
Tonight is the meteor shower and I set out walking around midnight to see what I can see. The camp appears to be too illuminated and I cant really find a place of darkness to check out the sky. Its ok, it is Afghanistan and I guess getting alone off in a dark corner is probably a stupid idea anyhow?
Day 14 August 13,2005
I wake up at 6am and head on out to the D-FAC to have breakfast. A ham and cheese omelet and several orange juices fill my tray. I feel like Norm from Cheers walking thru the D-FAC. People are saying what a great show we had the night before. Even the guy who cleans the showers and bathrooms says hi. Neat.
When I get back to the tent PJ and WIllis are heading out for breakfast and I join them for the walk and have coffee. Once again all the soldiers are saying hi and talking to us during breakfast.
We walk back to the tent and Sgt Wyatt is there to take us to the Haji Mart. The Haji Mart is off the base and we need special permission to get in there. The Haji Mart is guarded by the British troops and after a short wait at the gates we are let in.
Its kind of cool. there are kids everywhere trying to hustle the soldiers for their money.
I give three kids a buck each to pose for pictures and call me 'homeboy' They are fun and I admire their spirit for life and adventure. What little 'Hustlers'.
After the Haji Mart we run back to the tent and load up the van with our gear, pose for pictures and then stop in get lunch before catching our flight back to Bishkek.
For lunch I have a cheeseburger and Diet Coke. We don't stay long and head over to the airstrip.
After checking in at the PAX terminal and hanging out with a bunch of Canadian soldiers waiting to go home, it is announced that our plane is not coming to pick us up. They tell us the next flight to Bishkek is in the morning and we will miss our British Airways flight out of Bishkek.
Argh! Back at to the tent and we will begin making calls to try and get things straightened out. After 100 calls and two different phone booths, I finally get thru to Val and explain are uncertainty.
We all walk back to the D-FAC and have dinner. We are stuck!
After dinner we all hang out in the TV room for a while and also do some packing for our flight to Bishkek the next day. James makes some phone calls and finds out that the next flight out of Bishkek to London is Tuesday, so we may not get home until Wednesday?
Another guy comes in the TV room and says that they just found a viper in their tent and they needed someone to come and get it. I didnt go see it!
We have a 4:30am 'showtime' for Bishkek the next day.
Around 3am I am walking to the bathroom and I notice all the gunfire in the hills. I think to myself, 'man there's a lot of fighting out there tonight. and why am I comfortable with this? And shouldn't I be running!!!'
After a while I fall asleep easily.
Day 15 August 14,2005
Rise and shine for a 4:30 'showtime' to Bishkek.
At the airport we have an unusual search of our bags. We have to empty everything out onto the ground and then it gets searched thru. Then you pick it all back up, shake off the dust and reload your bags. In the search I lost two stones that I found in the river bed rocks in Lashkargah. One looked like a tooth the size of my big toe!
We board a C-17 and head to Bishkek. We will arrive late, but at least we are getting the hell out of Afghanistan!!
We arrive in Bishkek around 9am and Sgt Bell picks us up at the airport, takes us to the PAX terminal for a briefing and then over to his office to begin calling British Airways.
After about a half an hour on the phone with British Airways we lose them to the end of their day and we have to wait 6 hours to call again and get our tickets straightened out.
We decide to eat lunch and get some food in us before we try to deal with these airline idiots.
After lunch we hit the Green Bean Cafe for emails and a latte. Ahhhh!
Returning to our tent, Scott Henry has contacted British Airways and straightened out or ticket situation...for now.
I hang out and watch football for a while until I think Val is up and then walk back to the Green Bean Cafe to call her and explain the 'deal'.
Returning back to the tent I decide to take advantage of the free laundry and load up a few washers with my stuff. Laundry goes well and I am now set for the rest of the trip.
While I am doing laundry Sgt McCoy has nailed James and PJ down for an extra show.
Returning to the tent the everyone is hungry and we head over to the D-FAC for dinner.
After dinner we head over to the Green Bean to finish up our emails and call home with our details.
Returning back to the tent I am only able to sleep for three hours and I have happy legs. So I walk over to the D-FAC have an omelet and then over head over to the Green Bean to hit the internet.
I finally get back to the tent and fall asleep quickly.
Day 16 August 15,2005
I wake up at 8am and no one is up yet. I decide to take my video camera out and do some taping around the camp on my morning walk. After dropping off my camera I head over to the D-FAC and have some coffee and cereal.
From there I walk down to the Green Bean and call Val before she goes too bed. Our plans as to getting home are still iffy.
Back at the tent everyone else is gone to breakfast and I stretch out on the couch and start reading my book on Iraq. PJ, James and Willis arrive back and the books leads to a lengthy conversation on religion. Once again, I am right and they are wrong...just kidding.
We all agree that the middle east could be the greatest tourist trap/money maker ever if they would just stop fighting!!!!
After that we head over to the D-FAC for lunch and watch a little golf on the TV.
For desert I have blueberry cheesecake!!
After lunch I hit the CCCP gift shop and get Val a silk blanket and a few other trinkets.
I head back to the tent for a nap before our last show in Kyrgyzstan.
That night Little Pete's is packed and we do the show with three of the coalition generals in the audience. Pretty cool!!
I rock the house and close the last show of the tour!
After the show we head back to the tent to pack and get ready for our adventure home.
Day 17 August 16,2005
We get to Manas Int'l Airport at 5am. The Air Force has sent an interpreter with us to help us get on board the planes. We our two days late and have a lot of explaining to do along the way. It was nice of Captain McCoy to send the interpreter along with us to help with the Russian speaking authorities.
James and Scott haggle our way through the ticket counter for $1,000 and we are on our way to London! Although it shouldn't have cost that much, James just wanted to get to London and then he would try to correct the price on the tickets. What a trooper! I would be locked up in a Kyrgyzstan prison if I were James P Connolly!
We get thru numerous check points and metal detectors etc etc and Scott gets stopped at customs for not having a VISA. He had a defense ID but they would hear nothing of it...$70 more dollars to get out! James forks over the cash! How do you say Mob in Russian?
Anyhow...we are sprung from Manas and on our way to Yerevan Armenia.
Flying into Yerevan we pass right by Mt Ararat from Noah's Ark fame. Its way cool!
On the runway in Yerevan the airport officials board the plane and tell us that we owe Manas $1700 more dollars!! We explain our situation and they let us go onto London! Whew!
Landing in London we go to the ticket window, explain our story and this woman looks at us in a British voice and says, 'Don't worry, I'll get you home!' It was awesome.
Sure enough within half an hour we are all ticketed and headed for the states!!
James, Scott and Willis are headed non-stop to LA and PJ and I are headed to Newark, NJ. They even give PJ and I thirty pounds to grab a bite to eat along the way!!
Long story short...I land in Pittsburgh at 11:00 pm and make it home by 1am!!
Hurrah!!